In Need of a Sponsor

I'm looking for a sponsor for Marc Sony. Tom and I have supported a young man, Johnis, from Columbia for nearly ten years through Compassion International. I have loved the organization. I appreciate the way they handle sponsorships. Each year, they ask current sponsors to help recruit new sponsors. They sent me info on a child in need of support and my job is to try to recruit someone for Marc Sony, by Dec. 31. If you're interested, you can go here http://www.compassion.com/CWC/default.htm?ID=1275230 to learn more about him.

I saw Chronicles of Narnia tonight! I LOVED it! more to come....

Gollum

I suppose I could explain my bad mood now that I am better dealing with it. It's one of those things where you know how you got where you are, but don't know how to get out of it. You know what you did wrong, but don't know how to fix it and maybe don't want to fix it. Fixing it or repairing it might mean admitting things I don't want to admit to myself about myself. I do know how to start...an apology (which really bites because it gets in the way of my self-entitled pride) and being genuine with my motives and intentions and fears and insecurities. Even the ones I might want to vehemently deny. Trying to get to the root of my behavior can be so difficult. I imagine if I looked at myself in the mirror, I would look a lot like Gollum.

GRRR...

I am in a bad mood!

I am woman, hear me ROAR!

Yeah!!! I survived the Thanksgiving feast with only minor injuries. Maybe in honor of the Holiday the kitchen was more inclined to give me a break. I tried not to expect too much from it. In all honesty, I've truly dreaded the day I would "host" (others might not call it that) a turkey dinner at my home. I was at ease with the guests we invited and I wasn't dreading it this year. I was kind of excited. I was a little stressed over the planning, but I actually enjoyed all the cooking. I am quite proud of myself. I actually removed the neck and innards from the turkey cavity all by myself! Not only that, I STUFFED the turkey, which was a little awkward.

Here was my portion of the menu, guests provided other yummy dishes:
Turkey (first soaked in brine and later stuffed)
Some pretty mean Mashed Potatoes (this recipe is definitely a keeper! - YUM!)
Broccoli Salad
Green Bean Casserole
No bake PB cups (this is a keeper too! Man, I can't stop eating them...choc and PB are my weaknesses)
A failed attempt at gravy (I will master this one day!)

It was a tiring, but good day!

We also started a neat family tradition! I'm really excited about this. The idea came from Blues Clues. We started a Thanksgiving journal. Each year we will take pictures and the family and guests will write about the day and what they are thankful for.

The day was enough of a success I would be willing to try again, with the Kitchen's permission, of course!

And, while I'm bragging on myself,
I actually "coordinated" my first wedding Saturday. I was rough around the edges, but the bride and groom's families seemed to be happy with it. Not sure this is really my "cup of tea", I was sort of drafted into it simply because my hubby officiates them. Due to some last minute confusion, during the ceremony, I was in the bathroom on the phone with our pastor's wife asking how to coordinate the reception! This was really a lot of fun when she answered, "I don't usually do that part of it, the photographers do." Which would have been okay if the photographer hadn't just told me "I usually leave it up the the coordinator." AHHHH! Well, no time to panic!
Thankfully, all went well.

My Conviction

If you're wondering what to give back this Thanksgiving...may I share my own conviction? My conviction is to give Grace. The kind of Grace that is beyond my own ability. Grace I don't want to give. Grace that relies on strength, courage, love, understanding beyond my capabilities; but not beyond His availablity to me. In my experience, it seems only to come from an earnest, desperate search to find understanding. Luke 11:1-13. It's a Grace that learns to admit my shortcomings, failures and weaknesses so that I may find the needed courage to pass on the grace I'm given. It requires courage because I don't want to give it. It takes a risk to give more than I feel I'm capable of giving. It requires setting aside "my rights", the ones I feel I'm entitled to, so I can give the grace and understanding to others that I so desperately desire for myself. (I desire this Grace from others, but in Truth, it's something I already possess.) I suppose it seems obvious, the "Golden Rule", but I'm finding I'm required to give grace even from those places I've kept to myself. The places that were untouchable to others, places I claimed as "my territory", my rights. It's easy to give what I want to give, what feels safe to give, to give when I'm not in need, to give when my cup is already overflowing. It's much harder to give when I am scared, angry, or my cup is empty. It's in these times and in these places that I don't want to give. It's mine, not yours; it's my time, not yours; it's my turn, not yours. Please understand, this is not a grace given because I force myself to give it. This grace begins when I am genuine, not disciplined. The strength to give this grace comes only when I am raw, honest, naked before my God. It comes when I am ready to give my anger, my rage, my rights to Him. It comes after pleading and earnestly seeking the Truth. A willingness to obey and let go NO MATTER THE COST. Trusting the risk is worth it; it's worth it to give up the doubts, fears, struggles, chains. Trusting that the person I want to become, the one I will become, will catch me if I fall.

It frightens me to even type these thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Let's just say...I'm no Betty Crocker

Well, Tom and I have decided to host our very first Thanksgiving dinner. I'm excited and it's a bit scary since I've never cooked a turkey before. Besides the fact that having to clean and prepare a turkey churns my stomach, I'm not known for my "skills" in the kitchen. The kitchen and I sort of have a mutual understanding. We allow one another to coexist in the same house, but we are not to cross one another's paths. When we do, the result is bedlam. Just last night I was boiling water to engage in my much loved past time, hot tea. The reality is - one can boil water too long. Not only that, one can cook an empty teapot long enough that it will stick to the stovetop element. Yes, my teapot stuck to the element! Once I removed my teapot, I did what any Betty Crocker in training would do, I tried to put water in the teapot. You see, I was thinking that with the teapot so hot, the water would heat pretty quickly, so I wouldn't even need to turn the stovetop back on to enjoy my anticipated Chamomile tea! I think it was pretty logical. As I held the teapot under the faucet, I quickly found my Sherlock Holme's deduction to be true! The water steamed on contact with the superheated teapot and I scalded three knuckles. You see, I invaded the kitchen's territory. I just hope we can work out a more amicable agreement for Thanksgiving!

Starry, Starry Night

Josh Groban
Vincent (Starry, Starry Night)

"weathered faces lined in pain, are soothed beneath the artists loving hand"

I love this line in the song. The song refers to Van Gogh, but I always picture my Creator and me. Being the artist that created me, He is aware of my flaws and every need. To picture Him as the artist soothing my weathered face lined in pain gives me comfort.

Subject to Change

O.K., due to the volume of responses indicating a need for change (haha), I am going back to the original template. It looks cleaner to me or something.

Which template?

Just taking a poll...if anyone else reads this...haha! I'm wondering if I should keep this template, or go with the first one. Any suggestions?

Being Snow White isn't all it's cracked up to be...

One of the things I love about my job is the fact that it is an open campus. I walk up and down the outside ramps several times a day. Sometimes, I admire the birds nesting in their houses. Sometimes, I admire the bright sky, a cool breeze, an approaching storm. Sometimes, when the breeze is blowing just right, I can smell the ocean...this one is my favorite. I am also amused at times by the squirrels scurrying around and burying their winter food. Today, a beautiful day, I was casually walking down the ramps and admiring the perfect weather. Enjoying my stroll, I noticed a friend and co-worker with quite an interesting expression on her face. She appeared amused and stunned at the same time. Too curious to ignore the expression, I stopped to inquire. She proceeded to tell me (through her laughs) that as she was leaving a classroom, she happened to walk by one of the trash cans. Nothing is usually eventful about this experience...until today. As she approached this trash can, she noticed a squirrel rummaging around it. She took note, wondering what the squirrel was finding. As she passed by, all of the sudden, the squirrel leapt towards her and scrambled through her hair! I am a witness to her slightly disheveled appearance. We laughed together, sharing our dismay that noone else saw the event. I had to admit I was also a bit envious. Afterall, many little girls dream of trash can squirrels being drawn to them by their beauty and grace.

Let Me Fall

Josh Groban
Let Me Fall


Let me fall
Let me climb
There’s a moment
when fear
And dreams must collide

Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won’t heed your warnings
I won’t hear them

Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
Or may not rise

I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and chains

Someone I am
Is waiting for my courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall

I won’t heed your warnings
I won’t hear
Let me fall
If I fall

There’s no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall

Anyone looking for courage? I've listened to this song for two years and finally appreciate it's message. I love the message that we have to step into the unknown and depend on the person we hope to become to catch us. Relying on the hope there is a place where "fear and dreams must collide." Experiencing freedom from fears and chains.

Tom and I have been discussing plans for our future. There is a fear that surrounds the unknown. It is our desire; however, to leave Gracie a legacy of tried and failed attempts, rather than a stagnant life controlled by fear. It's a lot easier to type this than to live this!

Good Gifts

Have you ever experienced those moments when you finally realize you're not the only one? For so long you've wondered if you're alone, and then....You have a conversation, you read something and realize at the least one other person has shared the same questions or thoughts or observations. Those secrets you may or may not have shared with others. Maybe you've tried to share them with others, maybe you've not had the language to express your thoughts and so it's something you've always kept to yourself. And then....you receive a gift from God. That moment, that time, His time. You realize that someone else exists that possibly understands those precious, treasured thoughts or observations. I've had such a moment recently. I found myself "frolicking" through the house. I was skipping around and throwing my hands in the air shouting "Yes!! Yes!!" I glanced down long enough to notice my beautiful daughter laughing, "silly, mommy!" So I asked her to join me...And we frolicked together shouting "Yes!!". What a glorious day....

Danger: This Product Contains Christian Elements

I appreciate Rob Bell's mention in his book Velvet Elvis of the danger of denying truth can exist outside of our safe "Christian" environment. The thing we Christians try to do is take something from the "world" and Jesus it up. We try to make it ok for Christian consumption. I've done this myself. I've tried to take things and wrap my little Jesus label around it. As if He would be proud I wouldn't defile myself with anything that doesn't have the mark of the fish. We set out to separate ourselves from others and from things that do not claim to be Christian. Why? Have we forgotten we are all humans and we are all falliable. Christian or not. Even if we don't identify ourselves with "Christ," we can and likely do have something good about us. Even if we do identify ourselves as "Christian" we have faults. You see, truth can be anywhere. If the REALITY is that God is present everywhere, then could we say that truth can be anywhere? Even if something is not overtly labeled "Christian"? I love this point Bell makes: in the book of Acts, Paul affirms the truth and claims it wherever he finds it (p. 79).

whatever happened to peace, man?

I got an e-mail the other day with the subject line "silence the opposition." The purpose was to sign a petition in support of the new supreme court nominee. Why would I want to "silence the opposition"? Whether I agree with their view or not, they have a right to voice their opinion as much as I have a right to voice mine. I scanned the e-mail and then deleted it. I was a bit turned off by the approach. The practice of silencing those in opposition to your view seems unwise. It breeds an "us vs. them" mentality that disrespects and ignores the views of those who don't agree with you. I've been around long enough to have learned that my views are subject to change. I am not always right. I need others around and I need to give an ear to their views. It's really the "golden rule". If I want to be heard, then I need to be willing to hear. If I want to have the opportunity to express my views, even as they change, then I need to be willing to allow others to do the same. I prefer the approach of discussion and dialogue.

Lisa's song

The Waiting
Hands in the Air

If I raise my hand just to lift the shade,
will I reveal a sky heavy and gray?
Will last night be a memory sweetly fading?
How I hate a morning starting out this way
On these lonely, raging mornings I would whip You if I could
But You're on the mighty side of strong
And the perfect side of good
If I raise my hands will You grab me by the wrists
And will You try to pull me from the fray?
And even if my fingers join together into fists
Will You hold me firmly anyway?
Because I would try to escape You
But for everyday I'm sureThat You're on the huge side of big
And the holy side of pure
Okay, hear what I say
As I raise my hands in surrender today
Okay, here I will stay
Hands in the air, singing have Thine own way
If I raise my hands so weak and thin and frail
Will You reveal the light of mercy in Your eyes?
If I cry to You faintly will my feeble whisper fail
Or will it find its way to a reply?
Because, now that I'm exhausted I think I'm ready to admit
That I have spent all my resistance on someone I can't resist

Light from my window sill,
make my way to the door
I hang my head and still,
I know You're wanting more
Over the threshold now,
I move across the yard
All that my will allows,
my every step is hard

Now in the garden
I carve out six feet of space
There make my will comply,
lie down upon my face

Been toe to toe too long,
I'm tired of fighting You
I see You were too strong,
cause I am black and blue
But now I understand a losers due to win
How every dying man is sure to rise again
So I raise my left hand one,
I raise my right hand too
Under the morning sun,
my spirit cries to You

Okay, hear what I say
As I raise my hands in surrender today
Right here
Under the sun
Hands in the air,
singing Thy will be done
I'm here
Under the sun
Hands in the air,
singing Thy will be done
Okay, hear what I say
Hands in the air,
singing have Thine own way
Have Thine own way

This is one of my all time favorite, favorite songs. I wish The Waiting were still together and writing songs...

Things you might hear me say....

The red tape only says "Dangerous", we can walk around it!

I'm all about peace and love and "stick it to the MAN"

He is GRACE

I was watching the Nooma "Lump" the other day. What a beautiful picture of God's grace.

It brought me back to places in my life when I've experienced God's grace and forgiveness. The times when I've been so ashamed of my sin and sobbed at the realization of God's grace. Romans 8. Experiencing and knowing that kind of healing and grace only comes from Him, there is no other explanation. To know that kind of grace planted a desire within my being to know Him more.

I was left with this prayer:
Father, I want to be better than average. I don't want to settle for less than the best. I don't want to be better than others, I want to be more Christlike. Genuinely. Is it possible to pursue this with such passion that it becomes wrong?
I want to BE a person of GRACE. I want to be someone that doesn't hoard the grace I've recieved but gives it joyously and generously to others. I want others to experience what I've been given.

Get a grip!

I signed up for a weekend retreat at The Monastary of the Holy Spirt (in GA) the other day. The retreat is "The Basics of Christian Yoga". I'm pretty excited about it. I'm also a little nervous. In registering for the retreat, I spoke to my first real life Father or Priest. This may seem mundane to others, but it was an interesting and new experience for me. I didn't really expect to have the reaction I did. I was sort of unprepared for the call as he called me on my cell phone while I was shopping for cards at the mall. He introduced himself as Father (insert name). All of the sudden, I thought to myself "Behave, Lisa". Then I thought, "how do you behave in front of a Priest?, What do I call him?, How do I talk to him? Uh-Oh...get a grip!" In thinking back over it, it wasn't so much I was concerned what the Priest would think of me as much as I was concerned about my ignorance on how to show proper respect to his position.

Ben Fold-isms

It seems to me, if you can't trust, you can't be trusted...

The more you know the more you don't know @#$%

Existence vs. Living

For what it's worth, I think there is a difference between existing and living.

Existing is safe. Failures are someone else's fault, risks are left to others and challenges are rejected. Existence is stagnant.

Living is scary. Failures are what I make them, risks are necessary, and challenges are accepted. Living is active.

TRUTH...

As I travel this journey searching for truth, I rely on the Holy Spirit. I determine something is true when I've experienced it, until then...it's in limbo. I likely have an opinion, but its not solid. Even the truths I learn are somewhat flexible or open to modifications in the sense that I likely don't know all there is to know about the subject. As I grow, I am likely to learn more. No, it's not based on feelings. Yes, it is based on how I interpret the Holy Spirit. This is the key to my understanding truth: If God is who He says He is, then I have to believe that He will show me if I am going in the wrong direction. He must reveal His truths to me as he determines. The way I experience truths is through validation by the Holy Spirit and his work. There are no conincidences with God. I hear something, I wonder if it's true. I pray about it, I ask God to reveal His truth to me. I ask Him to help prepare my heart to be willing and open to hear His truths. I look to His word for understanding, and I wait. I wait for the experience. As Henry Blackaby says: "God speaks by the Holy Spirit through the Bible, prayer, circumstances and the church to reveal Himself, His purpose and His ways." Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting there is some sort of formula. It's not a checklist to follow, it's a life to be lived.

It's been suggested that I am creating God in my own image, or I am creating an idol. How can I trust it's the Holy Spirit and not me? I go back to my experiences and the belief that if I desire to know God and to follow him in my heart, in the core of who I am, then He will reveal himself as He chooses. I've been accused of being rebellious and faithless. I won't deny those sins exist in my heart. (I Corth. 4:4) I also desire to know God, to follow Him, to obey Him, to live as Christ would live. God says whoever trusts in Him will not be put to shame (Rom. 10:11). He says "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. This I will do for them declares the Lord." Isa. 42:16 The ironic thing is that our ways are not His ways (Isa. 55:8) and He tells us not to lean on our own understanding (Prov. 3:5-6). To try to understand God based on our understanding seems dangerous, it doesn't leave room for Him to guide us. If my goal is to trust myself to know what is God and what isn't then I am not leaving room for Him to be my God.

Who's in control?

I recently read commentaries from http://www.bible.org/ on 2 Kings 4:8-36 (The Shunmmite's Son restored to Life) and Matthew 5:1-16 (Sermon on the Mount). I have also been reading Gal. 5:16-26 (Life by the Spirit). It seems to me as I encounter more scripture and view it through a new filter emerging within me especially within the last year, there is a common theme. I am not sure what to call it, maybe a Spirit led life? A life led not by our feelings, but by experience and obedience. A life that confronts our fears (some obvious to us and others deeply embedded) and takes risks to trust Christ with them. A very vulnerable life. It's so scary to look at life as if "anything goes." At least we find some comfort or something when we think we can control it, or try to control it. It's scary to learn more about my lack of control and my desire to control. I now understand the significance of learning more about finding rest in the Lord. It's not so much that these truths are new to me as much as it is my understanding of them is different.

It's all about the experience, (for me anyway)....

In the past, Tom has been known to criticize my take on the environment and man's dominion over it. The way I see it, we are responsible to nature. We don't wastefully and arrogantly cut down a tree or step on a bug just because we can and all the while celebrate our prideful power over God's creations. We cut down a tree because we need it for firewood or housing or whatever. We appreciate God's plan and purpose for the smallest of bugs. We are grateful for the use of our Sister Earth (so named by Frances Schaeffer) and use it approriately. We remember to recognize it's only by the grace of God that we are given use of his creations. What makes us think we can do whatever we want whenever we want to it?

Now, in the process of reading Pollution and the Death of Man, Tom is understanding my point of view. He said that while he was reading it he could imagine me saying (with some sort southern accent and a head jive) "See, I've been telling you that for years."

So I ask him, is this a new concept to you or what is it? He says it's a new concept. Although I've shared it with him before, now that he sees it in black in white it's more valid.

So, this is how we view life:

Tom: It's not valid until I read it from a book. I don't care what you say you've experienced, I need to read it from a book.

Lisa: I don't care what I read, who you are, what you've experienced. Unless I've experienced it, it has no value. It's not valid. It may be true, but I haven't experienced it.

I want to understand more about our differences.

Dream Come True

There are days when I realize that much of my life is a dream come true. I just have no complaints. It's not that it's perfect, it's just more than I thought possible for me. I didn't expect to know joy like this. I feel as though I have an abundant life. You would think I would find comfort in this. I don't know what happens, but I find that I become anxious. It's too good to be true. It's as if I wait for the inevitable tragedy. What will it be? This is so sad. Why are we so quick to sabotage our lives? What does it mean to rest in Christ? What does he mean when he says "my yoke is easy and my burden is light"?

I HATE ROACHES!!!

I like to think of myself as someone who values caring for the environment and believes we are responsible for the upkeep of the planet and animals. So much so, that I have eliminated the practice of indiscriminately stepping on bugs just because I can. I believe they have a right to life as long as they are outside my home. So, as I sit at my computer to check my mail, I hear something plop onto a pile of papers to my left. Upon closer inspection, it is a treacherous ROACH!!! My heart starts beating fast, my breath is shallow, I hold in a cry of disgust because my sweet little girl is asleep in the adjoining room. I run to ask my knight in shining armor to rescue me from this frightening dragon. To prepare him, I suggest a large shoe. As he evaluates the situation, he decides heavier artillery is needed. He decides bug spray is the weapon of choice. So my knight rescues me and none too soon. As for my ecological concerns, he was on my turf, and I'm bigger and stronger (or at least my husband is). Let this be a warning to any disgusting, dreadful roach that dare enter my abode. No life will be spared!

more fave quotes

Amy, the yoga instructor:

"Accept with gratitude, give with devotion" While she was referring to the practice of yoga, I relate it to my faith journey. Accept God's grace with gratitude, give to Him with my devotion.

Favorite Quotes

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not darkness, that is powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are the child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Nelson Mandela--1994 Inaugural Speech
I have carried this quote around with me in my purse for several years. There have been times when I wasn't sure what I thought of it...I think I am finding a new appreciation for it lately.

Who says I can't do everything?...Oh!

Still struggling with the whole "I can do everything mentality...if I were smart enough, strong enough, wise enough..." you get the picture. One of my favorite quotes by my pastor is "find humility in your limitations". I love this quote!
Romans 12 backs this up pretty nicely:
3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his[b]faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
This says to me that all we need to do is focus on the gifts we have been given and use them according to the measure of our faith. Not quite sure what the last part means. It's somewhat freeing to know that even the B-I-B-L-E doesn't expect me to know and do everything. And v.3 sort of tells me that others struggle with the wish for omnipotence or omnicence, or whatever. The cool thing is that if we just focused on developing our own skills and gifts and talents and appreciated the gifts of those around us (rather than compete with them) we would be a truer picture of a unified body. Hmmm.......

the frustrating life of a non-omnipotent being

I wonder if anyone else struggles with the frustration of not being able to do everything and know everything all the time at the right time. My phrase for the day has been "Lisa, you can only do what you can do, deal with it." In some ways this is freeing because it releases me from my unrealistic expectations of myself, but at the same time, it frustrates me because I can't know and do everything I want to do or everything I think needs to be done. I guess I'm left with "deal with it." (originally posted September 19, 2005)

blah, blah, blah

I am home alone tonight. Tom is at a movie with his brother from out of town and Gracie is in bed. It's nice sometimes to be at home alone and do whatever I want to do. I have been surfing the net and catching up on e-mails. I am also trying to figure out how to navigate livejournal...which is sad because I really don't know what I am doing. I've at least decided this would be much more interesting if I shared it with friends and family...otherwise I'm not sure what the point is. I think I will go enjoy some chocolate cake from TGIFriday's...a treat from Tom. I won't tell you what he calls it. (originally posted September 12, 2005)

F-O-C-U-S...What?

UGHH! Today I have taken up the task of cleaning the dreaded mini-blinds. I hate these things. They are not the most attractive window treatment, but I do find them functional since I can control the light coming in the windows. Cleaning the blinds is a big job in itself, but as I started, I noticed repairs needed to be made to the blinds and the walls. Oh, and, the windows should be clean for clean blinds, and the curtains should be clean for the clean windows and clean blinds and on and on. My key word for the day is FOCUS! If I can get the blinds clean (and maybe the windows), I have accomplished something. Right? (originally posted June 13, 2005)

Moving...

Well, I'm moving from livejournal. We'll see what happens. I am bringing previous posts with me.

A place for Lisa to rant

Its gotta look better than an online journal.