I've been contemplating and becoming more aware of the idea that the process of learning is far more valuable than the outcome. This means to me that our failures hold value as much as our successes hold value. The point isn't necessairily to reach an expected end or destination or desirable outcome. The point is the process, the learning, the journey. Each failure is an opportunity to learn, to grow. If I can embrace the pain of failure, I embrace my humanity and depend on one who is greater. This seems to be a theme surfacing over and over lately...in different parts of my life.
For instance, in teaching math to struggling students, I am constantly challenged to come up with a new way of explaining 2+2=4. The challenge for me is being perceptive and aware of each students abilities and struggles in order to come up with a way to explain or teach or help them experience a new concept. This year, I worked with Dr. Penry, a wonderful woman, who taught me a few things about learning. She taught me that learning takes place in 3 stages. First is the concrete, then representational, then abstract. First children need to play with manipulatives and put two blocks together with two blocks and see that it makes four (concrete). Then they draw pictures in their notebooks of two blocks with two blocks and see that is four (representational). Finally, we use the abstract symbols 2+2=4 and likely understand what they mean because we've already experienced it. Often when we are struggling with a concept, one of these stages was missed in our learning process. At each stage, the students are practicing the new concept and likely along the way, it was trial and error. Each situation that didn't work gave new insights to find what might work.
Yoga is the same way. The pose isn't the point. It's becoming aware of our breathing and our abilities and challenges to the pose and working with and within our limitations. It's being and centering in the moment.
It also seems I am relating this idea to my own life journey as a Christian. The purpose of this journey we are on is to become like Christ. To know Him. I come to the world mostly ignorant of this and life is sorting it out (with guidance from the Holy Spirit). Sanctification or working out my salvation takes t-i-m-e and trial and error and mistakes and failures and lack of understanding and despair and loneliness and discipline and learning to take responsibility and it also includes moments of clarity, growth, and new trust.
The process is O.K.
Monday, May 29, 2006
She's beautiful, inside and out
I'm diggin' the mom thing. Gracie (2yrs. and 3 months) said the blessing at dinner tonight. I asked her if she wanted to pray, and we held hands and she (on her own) began to say, "Thank you God for mommy and daddy and ....(other stuff)....and thank you for a good day at the beach, AMEN." I was teary eyed by the end. I love these sweet encouragers.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Any thoughts?
Any opinions on this? This may seem shallow or obvious to some, but it's a question running through my mind. I think I know what I think, but I'm curious to know what others think.
What if your motive is to choose to follow Christ's teachings because you believe obeying them is what brings an abundant life? Is this a self-centered attitude, or is that too much analyzing? Or is it more just because God is God and I'm not? Or is it a combination or balance of the two?
What if your motive is to choose to follow Christ's teachings because you believe obeying them is what brings an abundant life? Is this a self-centered attitude, or is that too much analyzing? Or is it more just because God is God and I'm not? Or is it a combination or balance of the two?
Thursday, May 18, 2006
The Perfect Storm
Tom is sick today. He's had an upset stomach all day. He is rarely sick, but stomach viruses seem to be what typically stops him. I am sad for him. Gracie and I tried to give him time for peace and quite, so we went out. We had lunch at the park and dinner at Friday's...so as not to have the aroma of food in the house. We've had beautiful weather lately, not too hot, not too humid, gusty breezes, so the park was really enjoyable. We had a picnic lunch and played on the playground and tossed leaves and sticks into the water. We had a nice time.
For dinner we had a "girls' night out" at Friday's. We sat in a little booth together. Honestly, I went to Friday's telling myself, "if it gets bad, just leave"! I didn't expect to enjoy the dinner because we seem to be "butting heads" these last couple of days. From what I've read, it's not uncommon for children to cycle through phases of sweetness... when everything seems to be roses, and phases of constant challenge...when you start wondering what happened. Like you suspect your child was abducted by aliens in the middle of the night and switched with an evil twin or something. We seem to be dealing with the alien evil twin these days. For her, these are typically related to a lack of adequate sleep (both tot and parent), teething, a growth spurt, or just because. Her latest goal seems to be to consistently do the opposite of a parental request...no matter how creatively it's presented and requested. I'm running low on patience and this greatly effects my desire and opportunity to be creative. I find myself thinking "you should obey me just because and that's it!" The great thing about her is that she is two and hardly comprehends my gravitation toward dogmatic thinking and my expectation of blind obedience, so she rarely complies. This leaves me having to deal with myself...blechhh! What's worse, is that the very thing I want to demand from her is the very thing with which I wrestle with God. I don't always want to obey Him or His commands, I don't want to trust Him, and yet, He is consistently patient and generous with grace. Not grace that lets me get away with my selfish behavior, but grace that gently teaches and guides me back with correction. Well, I gave myself a little pep talk and thankfully and not using my own strength, dinner was a lot of fun. The best part was when she laughed her special laugh. You know, the one when you can tell kids are really tickeled, when they think you're the funniest thing on earth. These are rare laughs, they usually take you by surprise, but you feel so proud because you got a genuine, belly laugh from a two year old.
It was a nice way to end the day Tom labeled "the perfect storm". I'm moody, Gracie is two, and he is sick in the bed. He very sweetly suggested giving me a break on Saturday, an opportunity to renew myself with some alone time. Reflection is good for the soul, but so are the trenches. I feel weak inside and haven't been able to maintain a consistent problem solving mindset. Instead, it's my emotional, tantrum throwing mindset that seems to be getting center stage. I find myself in constant prayer and repentence and regrouping. As I told Tom, "at some point, I've got to learn to live with myself." I need this...I need the challenge of giving and serving when all that is within me wants to take and hoard. At the same time, God places people in the body for the very reason we need each other to function. We can balance each other. So, I will find comfort in taking what I need as well, because that's ok too.
BTW, "Brownie Obsession" is the most incredible brownie I've ever had. My brother suggested it and I reluctantly thought, "a brownie is a brownie". Now I find myself thinking, "what will I do if they take this off the menu? Could I survive such a catastrophe?" Take my food, clothing and shelter, but not my chocolate!!!
Hope you feel better soon, hun :)
For dinner we had a "girls' night out" at Friday's. We sat in a little booth together. Honestly, I went to Friday's telling myself, "if it gets bad, just leave"! I didn't expect to enjoy the dinner because we seem to be "butting heads" these last couple of days. From what I've read, it's not uncommon for children to cycle through phases of sweetness... when everything seems to be roses, and phases of constant challenge...when you start wondering what happened. Like you suspect your child was abducted by aliens in the middle of the night and switched with an evil twin or something. We seem to be dealing with the alien evil twin these days. For her, these are typically related to a lack of adequate sleep (both tot and parent), teething, a growth spurt, or just because. Her latest goal seems to be to consistently do the opposite of a parental request...no matter how creatively it's presented and requested. I'm running low on patience and this greatly effects my desire and opportunity to be creative. I find myself thinking "you should obey me just because and that's it!" The great thing about her is that she is two and hardly comprehends my gravitation toward dogmatic thinking and my expectation of blind obedience, so she rarely complies. This leaves me having to deal with myself...blechhh! What's worse, is that the very thing I want to demand from her is the very thing with which I wrestle with God. I don't always want to obey Him or His commands, I don't want to trust Him, and yet, He is consistently patient and generous with grace. Not grace that lets me get away with my selfish behavior, but grace that gently teaches and guides me back with correction. Well, I gave myself a little pep talk and thankfully and not using my own strength, dinner was a lot of fun. The best part was when she laughed her special laugh. You know, the one when you can tell kids are really tickeled, when they think you're the funniest thing on earth. These are rare laughs, they usually take you by surprise, but you feel so proud because you got a genuine, belly laugh from a two year old.
It was a nice way to end the day Tom labeled "the perfect storm". I'm moody, Gracie is two, and he is sick in the bed. He very sweetly suggested giving me a break on Saturday, an opportunity to renew myself with some alone time. Reflection is good for the soul, but so are the trenches. I feel weak inside and haven't been able to maintain a consistent problem solving mindset. Instead, it's my emotional, tantrum throwing mindset that seems to be getting center stage. I find myself in constant prayer and repentence and regrouping. As I told Tom, "at some point, I've got to learn to live with myself." I need this...I need the challenge of giving and serving when all that is within me wants to take and hoard. At the same time, God places people in the body for the very reason we need each other to function. We can balance each other. So, I will find comfort in taking what I need as well, because that's ok too.
BTW, "Brownie Obsession" is the most incredible brownie I've ever had. My brother suggested it and I reluctantly thought, "a brownie is a brownie". Now I find myself thinking, "what will I do if they take this off the menu? Could I survive such a catastrophe?" Take my food, clothing and shelter, but not my chocolate!!!
Hope you feel better soon, hun :)
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Lights on the Unseen
Can I just tell you that I just absolutely, positively, undeniably, LOVE this CD. It takes a lot for me to truly be moved by music. I like all kinds of music, but it's rare that I find music that resonates so much with me. When I listen to this CD, it's as if the music is my song. Like he somehow tapped into my idea of the perfect music. I love Chris Taylor's poetic lyrics and even the poetry and story of his music. This definitely will be a forever all time favorite. He opened for a Derek Webb concert in Panama City in January. I loved his set of three songs. After the first song I had already decided to buy his CD. I had an opportunity to share with him how much I enjoyed his set, and his personality was just as pleasant as his music. He also has a great wife, Gileah. I am not typically so passionate about the music I listen to, but I find myself passionate about this. I think YOU is my favorite song.
God is still God
A further reflection on "I will be OK"
Tonight, I was talking to a mom in our church whose family is truly suffering what I consider an immense amount of hardship right now. As she was sharing some of what is going on in her life, I was thinking to myself, "God, how much do you heap on to one family at a time?" My heart hurt for her family and for her. She wants to be strong and tries to be strong, but she doesn't feel strong. She said she is weary. She said she wonders what she might be doing wrong. Oh, my heart was so sad to hear this. Remember Job?
Job says, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."
Matthew says, "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego say, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
I've been facilitating an Experiencing God group on Sunday nights. Blackaby talks about evaluating our situations and circumstances against the backdrop of the cross. Meaning the truth is Romans 5:8, "God demonstrates His own love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." I guess what I understand and what I've learned is that it matters the perspective we have and the questions we ask. We are tempted to look at our distressing times and blame ourselves, or others, or we are tempted to ask God what we have done or are doing wrong, or what we need to learn so we can hurry up and get out of the situtation. What I am getting is that it's not so much "God, what is the lesson I need to learn to get out of this distressing situation" as much as it's about "God, help me to desire your will. I am doubting, I am scared, I am angry, etc. Please help me to have the strength to trust you." To look at these situations from a perspective that says here is an opportunity for God to reveal himself to me in an even greater way.
Other thoughts:
Tressie, a woman in our EG group shared a really great word picture tonight. She often reminds us in our discussions to value the growing process. To be OK with those times that we are often anxious to move past, the times that are maybe just uncomfortable, or maybe those times it feels unbearable. Often, these are the times we tend to judge ourselves or others harshly.
Her word picture related to the struggles we face in surrending ourselves to God's will. She said it's like a tot running out into the middle of the street with an oncoming car. We grab the child by the arm and pull them to safety. In the process, because the child has only a limited understanding of the situation, they protest our rescue. She is left to deal with her emotions. She must work through her anger and grieve her loss and trust that I know what's best for her. I could see things about the situation she couldn't. But, maybe in time, as she grows, she begins to understand why she was pulled out of the street so abruptly.
Tonight, I was talking to a mom in our church whose family is truly suffering what I consider an immense amount of hardship right now. As she was sharing some of what is going on in her life, I was thinking to myself, "God, how much do you heap on to one family at a time?" My heart hurt for her family and for her. She wants to be strong and tries to be strong, but she doesn't feel strong. She said she is weary. She said she wonders what she might be doing wrong. Oh, my heart was so sad to hear this. Remember Job?
Job says, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."
Matthew says, "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego say, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
I've been facilitating an Experiencing God group on Sunday nights. Blackaby talks about evaluating our situations and circumstances against the backdrop of the cross. Meaning the truth is Romans 5:8, "God demonstrates His own love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." I guess what I understand and what I've learned is that it matters the perspective we have and the questions we ask. We are tempted to look at our distressing times and blame ourselves, or others, or we are tempted to ask God what we have done or are doing wrong, or what we need to learn so we can hurry up and get out of the situtation. What I am getting is that it's not so much "God, what is the lesson I need to learn to get out of this distressing situation" as much as it's about "God, help me to desire your will. I am doubting, I am scared, I am angry, etc. Please help me to have the strength to trust you." To look at these situations from a perspective that says here is an opportunity for God to reveal himself to me in an even greater way.
Other thoughts:
Tressie, a woman in our EG group shared a really great word picture tonight. She often reminds us in our discussions to value the growing process. To be OK with those times that we are often anxious to move past, the times that are maybe just uncomfortable, or maybe those times it feels unbearable. Often, these are the times we tend to judge ourselves or others harshly.
Her word picture related to the struggles we face in surrending ourselves to God's will. She said it's like a tot running out into the middle of the street with an oncoming car. We grab the child by the arm and pull them to safety. In the process, because the child has only a limited understanding of the situation, they protest our rescue. She is left to deal with her emotions. She must work through her anger and grieve her loss and trust that I know what's best for her. I could see things about the situation she couldn't. But, maybe in time, as she grows, she begins to understand why she was pulled out of the street so abruptly.
How do I change the dates on my drafts????
Since I can't figure out how to change the date on my updated drafts I am just going to tell you the newest and latest posts I've finished:
Valuing the Genders
Apr. 15
I will be OK
Jan. 11
Valuing the Genders
Apr. 15
I will be OK
Jan. 11
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
My Hometown
One of the things I love about my hometown is the beach. Some days, when the wind blows right, you can smell the ocean in the air. I work at an open campus elementary school not far from the water. I often find myself strolling and lingering on the ramps taking in deep breaths of the salty air. They just feel so clean and refreshing. They're invigorating! During the Spring and Summer, as you drive over the Destin bridge, the water is crystal clear and the most glorious shades of blue and green. It's truly captivating along with the azure sky and brilliant white clouds! After admiring it for 20+ years, it is no less beautiful. It's almost as if I yearn and long to be a part of its beauty. I ache inside for it as I see the encroaching condos along the beach and the pretentious boats in the water. It posesses a beauty given to us and to it by the grace of God. Beauty that helps us understand our Heavenly Creator. Oh to be aware of the constant presence of the Almighty Father, the creator and artist of such things! The sunsets are yet another display of this awesome artistry. They never cease to inspire me. The shades of pink and purple and orange and green are incredible as they paint across the sky. Can your mind imagine them? Can it see them? If only I had the words to describe. As I stand on the boardwalk admiring nature around me, it's as if time stands still. My thoughts are still, I am truly at peace and in awe. It's a silent worship. And though the highway may be close by, there is no sound save the water lapping on the shore, the birds giving their song to the canvas, and the leaves from the live oak rustling in the breeze.
Hooray for Kindermusik
We took Gracie to a Kindermusik class a couple of Saturday's ago. My neighbor told me about this class. It was sooo much fun. As a family, we all went together. On the surface, the class appeared like total chaos with two year olds running all around as they please. But, it was the most child friendly environment I've ever experienced. I really love the philosophy behind the curriculum. It focuses on valuing the process of learning and development rather than assessing the performance. Families participate together (mom, DAD and children). We sang silly songs, danced, played, interacted, had story time. It truly was a great time. Children are allowed to basically run free and partcipate in class activities as they choose. If they would rather play with everyone's shoes lined along the wall than listen to storytime, then they are allowed to do that. Each activity is structured to stimulate certain parts of the brain for social, emotional, physical, etc. development.
There are times my daughter sees strangers and often tries to say Hello or talk to them and is ignored because her small voice and small stature are easy to miss. In Kindermusik class, we sing the "Hello" song and ask each child how they would like to sing the song (clapping, hopping, dancing). Each child gets their moment in the spotlight and everyone--parents, teacher and other tots mimic the child. She participates as she pleases and plays as she pleases. It's a time solely focused on valuing what's important to a tot. How great is that?!
When discipline is necessary, the other children choose the discipline (usually time out) rather than the adults. This helps the little ones build community and respect for one another.
On the surface, it may seem like an awkward class where children run free and parents look silly dancing and singing and playing, but the purpose is to value what's important to a child and to learn what's important to a child. It may be planned to help the children develop their skills, but I think I learned much more than my daughter. It helps me meet her where she's at and value her for the place she's at, and I can use all the help I can get!
There are times my daughter sees strangers and often tries to say Hello or talk to them and is ignored because her small voice and small stature are easy to miss. In Kindermusik class, we sing the "Hello" song and ask each child how they would like to sing the song (clapping, hopping, dancing). Each child gets their moment in the spotlight and everyone--parents, teacher and other tots mimic the child. She participates as she pleases and plays as she pleases. It's a time solely focused on valuing what's important to a tot. How great is that?!
When discipline is necessary, the other children choose the discipline (usually time out) rather than the adults. This helps the little ones build community and respect for one another.
On the surface, it may seem like an awkward class where children run free and parents look silly dancing and singing and playing, but the purpose is to value what's important to a child and to learn what's important to a child. It may be planned to help the children develop their skills, but I think I learned much more than my daughter. It helps me meet her where she's at and value her for the place she's at, and I can use all the help I can get!
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