Lisa's song

The Waiting
Hands in the Air

If I raise my hand just to lift the shade,
will I reveal a sky heavy and gray?
Will last night be a memory sweetly fading?
How I hate a morning starting out this way
On these lonely, raging mornings I would whip You if I could
But You're on the mighty side of strong
And the perfect side of good
If I raise my hands will You grab me by the wrists
And will You try to pull me from the fray?
And even if my fingers join together into fists
Will You hold me firmly anyway?
Because I would try to escape You
But for everyday I'm sureThat You're on the huge side of big
And the holy side of pure
Okay, hear what I say
As I raise my hands in surrender today
Okay, here I will stay
Hands in the air, singing have Thine own way
If I raise my hands so weak and thin and frail
Will You reveal the light of mercy in Your eyes?
If I cry to You faintly will my feeble whisper fail
Or will it find its way to a reply?
Because, now that I'm exhausted I think I'm ready to admit
That I have spent all my resistance on someone I can't resist

Light from my window sill,
make my way to the door
I hang my head and still,
I know You're wanting more
Over the threshold now,
I move across the yard
All that my will allows,
my every step is hard

Now in the garden
I carve out six feet of space
There make my will comply,
lie down upon my face

Been toe to toe too long,
I'm tired of fighting You
I see You were too strong,
cause I am black and blue
But now I understand a losers due to win
How every dying man is sure to rise again
So I raise my left hand one,
I raise my right hand too
Under the morning sun,
my spirit cries to You

Okay, hear what I say
As I raise my hands in surrender today
Right here
Under the sun
Hands in the air,
singing Thy will be done
I'm here
Under the sun
Hands in the air,
singing Thy will be done
Okay, hear what I say
Hands in the air,
singing have Thine own way
Have Thine own way

This is one of my all time favorite, favorite songs. I wish The Waiting were still together and writing songs...

Things you might hear me say....

The red tape only says "Dangerous", we can walk around it!

I'm all about peace and love and "stick it to the MAN"

He is GRACE

I was watching the Nooma "Lump" the other day. What a beautiful picture of God's grace.

It brought me back to places in my life when I've experienced God's grace and forgiveness. The times when I've been so ashamed of my sin and sobbed at the realization of God's grace. Romans 8. Experiencing and knowing that kind of healing and grace only comes from Him, there is no other explanation. To know that kind of grace planted a desire within my being to know Him more.

I was left with this prayer:
Father, I want to be better than average. I don't want to settle for less than the best. I don't want to be better than others, I want to be more Christlike. Genuinely. Is it possible to pursue this with such passion that it becomes wrong?
I want to BE a person of GRACE. I want to be someone that doesn't hoard the grace I've recieved but gives it joyously and generously to others. I want others to experience what I've been given.

Get a grip!

I signed up for a weekend retreat at The Monastary of the Holy Spirt (in GA) the other day. The retreat is "The Basics of Christian Yoga". I'm pretty excited about it. I'm also a little nervous. In registering for the retreat, I spoke to my first real life Father or Priest. This may seem mundane to others, but it was an interesting and new experience for me. I didn't really expect to have the reaction I did. I was sort of unprepared for the call as he called me on my cell phone while I was shopping for cards at the mall. He introduced himself as Father (insert name). All of the sudden, I thought to myself "Behave, Lisa". Then I thought, "how do you behave in front of a Priest?, What do I call him?, How do I talk to him? Uh-Oh...get a grip!" In thinking back over it, it wasn't so much I was concerned what the Priest would think of me as much as I was concerned about my ignorance on how to show proper respect to his position.

Ben Fold-isms

It seems to me, if you can't trust, you can't be trusted...

The more you know the more you don't know @#$%

Existence vs. Living

For what it's worth, I think there is a difference between existing and living.

Existing is safe. Failures are someone else's fault, risks are left to others and challenges are rejected. Existence is stagnant.

Living is scary. Failures are what I make them, risks are necessary, and challenges are accepted. Living is active.

TRUTH...

As I travel this journey searching for truth, I rely on the Holy Spirit. I determine something is true when I've experienced it, until then...it's in limbo. I likely have an opinion, but its not solid. Even the truths I learn are somewhat flexible or open to modifications in the sense that I likely don't know all there is to know about the subject. As I grow, I am likely to learn more. No, it's not based on feelings. Yes, it is based on how I interpret the Holy Spirit. This is the key to my understanding truth: If God is who He says He is, then I have to believe that He will show me if I am going in the wrong direction. He must reveal His truths to me as he determines. The way I experience truths is through validation by the Holy Spirit and his work. There are no conincidences with God. I hear something, I wonder if it's true. I pray about it, I ask God to reveal His truth to me. I ask Him to help prepare my heart to be willing and open to hear His truths. I look to His word for understanding, and I wait. I wait for the experience. As Henry Blackaby says: "God speaks by the Holy Spirit through the Bible, prayer, circumstances and the church to reveal Himself, His purpose and His ways." Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting there is some sort of formula. It's not a checklist to follow, it's a life to be lived.

It's been suggested that I am creating God in my own image, or I am creating an idol. How can I trust it's the Holy Spirit and not me? I go back to my experiences and the belief that if I desire to know God and to follow him in my heart, in the core of who I am, then He will reveal himself as He chooses. I've been accused of being rebellious and faithless. I won't deny those sins exist in my heart. (I Corth. 4:4) I also desire to know God, to follow Him, to obey Him, to live as Christ would live. God says whoever trusts in Him will not be put to shame (Rom. 10:11). He says "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. This I will do for them declares the Lord." Isa. 42:16 The ironic thing is that our ways are not His ways (Isa. 55:8) and He tells us not to lean on our own understanding (Prov. 3:5-6). To try to understand God based on our understanding seems dangerous, it doesn't leave room for Him to guide us. If my goal is to trust myself to know what is God and what isn't then I am not leaving room for Him to be my God.

Who's in control?

I recently read commentaries from http://www.bible.org/ on 2 Kings 4:8-36 (The Shunmmite's Son restored to Life) and Matthew 5:1-16 (Sermon on the Mount). I have also been reading Gal. 5:16-26 (Life by the Spirit). It seems to me as I encounter more scripture and view it through a new filter emerging within me especially within the last year, there is a common theme. I am not sure what to call it, maybe a Spirit led life? A life led not by our feelings, but by experience and obedience. A life that confronts our fears (some obvious to us and others deeply embedded) and takes risks to trust Christ with them. A very vulnerable life. It's so scary to look at life as if "anything goes." At least we find some comfort or something when we think we can control it, or try to control it. It's scary to learn more about my lack of control and my desire to control. I now understand the significance of learning more about finding rest in the Lord. It's not so much that these truths are new to me as much as it is my understanding of them is different.

It's all about the experience, (for me anyway)....

In the past, Tom has been known to criticize my take on the environment and man's dominion over it. The way I see it, we are responsible to nature. We don't wastefully and arrogantly cut down a tree or step on a bug just because we can and all the while celebrate our prideful power over God's creations. We cut down a tree because we need it for firewood or housing or whatever. We appreciate God's plan and purpose for the smallest of bugs. We are grateful for the use of our Sister Earth (so named by Frances Schaeffer) and use it approriately. We remember to recognize it's only by the grace of God that we are given use of his creations. What makes us think we can do whatever we want whenever we want to it?

Now, in the process of reading Pollution and the Death of Man, Tom is understanding my point of view. He said that while he was reading it he could imagine me saying (with some sort southern accent and a head jive) "See, I've been telling you that for years."

So I ask him, is this a new concept to you or what is it? He says it's a new concept. Although I've shared it with him before, now that he sees it in black in white it's more valid.

So, this is how we view life:

Tom: It's not valid until I read it from a book. I don't care what you say you've experienced, I need to read it from a book.

Lisa: I don't care what I read, who you are, what you've experienced. Unless I've experienced it, it has no value. It's not valid. It may be true, but I haven't experienced it.

I want to understand more about our differences.

Dream Come True

There are days when I realize that much of my life is a dream come true. I just have no complaints. It's not that it's perfect, it's just more than I thought possible for me. I didn't expect to know joy like this. I feel as though I have an abundant life. You would think I would find comfort in this. I don't know what happens, but I find that I become anxious. It's too good to be true. It's as if I wait for the inevitable tragedy. What will it be? This is so sad. Why are we so quick to sabotage our lives? What does it mean to rest in Christ? What does he mean when he says "my yoke is easy and my burden is light"?