Atlanta or Bust!

In a little more than two weeks I will be going to a retreat in Conyers, GA, just outside of Atlanta. This means I will be driving in the 42 laned Atlanta traffic on I-85 and I-285. Anyone have words of wisdom for someone who rarely drives on roads with more than two lanes?

My fears:
Other drivers
road hazards
lost and alone

Morgan

Life is difficult.  Things happen I don’t understand.  Things happen I cannot comprehend.  Our pastor shared difficult news with the congregation today.  It was found that Morgan had 10 lesions on her brain.  She’s been fighting an aggressive form of breast cancer for the last 1 ½ years.  She was diagnosed just weeks after she was married.  Over time, we’ve been told cancer was found in her back, then her liver, possibly her lungs, and finally this week, we were told about the lesions on her brain.  A few days later, we were told doctors released her from their care and from anymore treatments.  They feel they’ve done all they can for her.  

Questions are flooding my mind.  I have known Morgan for most of our lives.  We are not close friends, but I have spoken to her, I’ve touched her, I’ve hugged her, I’ve prayed for her, I’ve cried for her.  I’ve also known her family for many years.  I am angry!  I am angry these things happen.  

I know this story is repeated often in different ways in many lives.  Why do these things happen?  How do you reconcile events like this in your life?  These stories happen to people every day around the world in some way.  How do I process these events as they occur around me, or when they occur to me?

I usually turn to Job to deal with these questions.  This time, I began reading around the sixth chapter.  I’ve always thought Job was a “special case”.  Whenever I’ve read Job, I’ve always read it as though it was a one time occurrence.  His circumstances were so harsh; I just decided God only allowed this once.  God used him as some sort of example.  God doesn’t work that way anymore.  As I was reading it this time, it occurred to me…his story is happening everyday around the world.  It is happening to Morgan and her family right now.  It happened to Abraham when he was told to sacrifice Isaac, and as my husband stated, it happened to Peter when Christ told him Satan had asked permission to sift him.  

Each night, Phyllis Tickle spoke blessings at a conference my husband and I attended last May.  The first night, she told the story of Abraham and Isaac.  She added new insight to the story.  She explained that as Abraham raised his hand in obedience to kill his only son, God stopped him and said “now I know how much you love me.” Then she paused, “wait!”  Instead, maybe God was telling Abraham “now YOU know how much you love me”.  

What is the difference?  The first reply is as if it were answering an unspoken question from God, “how far will Abraham go?”  I’m thinking that viewpoint diminishes God.  He already knew the answer to that question; He didn’t have to ask it.  I also think it diminishes our potential as we seek to live the life of Christ.  The second reply brings the notion that maybe the purpose of this experience was to reveal to Abraham his own willingness to go with God no matter where it took him, no matter the events or circumstances around him.    

What can we gain from learning our own limits to the cost of following Christ?  Can we find security in learning and knowing how much we love God, in addition to how much He loves us in times of trial?  I know these questions don’t have answers in black and white.  Each tragedy carries its own purpose.    

People are hurting and I am sad and I am angry and I don’t understand the purpose of it all.  I don’t like it and I don’t understand why life is or has to be this way.  I don’t know what I think it should be like.  But, after all of that, I am OK.  If I must choose between anger and bitterness or growth and healing, I am still compelled to trust God.  Not that it’s without questions…

Morgan passed away at 4:14 a.m. January 29.  She was 24.   May God be with her loved ones as they grieve.

Loving people isn't efficient

We went to a Derek Webb concert in Panama City last night. Within the last year or so, he has become my new favorite artist. When I listened to his new album Mockingbird released in December, it only increased my affection for his music. Besides appreciating his folk rock sound, his lyrics are what capture me. My favorite songs from this album so far are "Mockingbird" and "New Law". He puts to words the things I struggle with and the things I struggle to express. It’s refreshing not only to feel as if you have been given words you were searching for, but also to hear someone speak so boldly and honestly from their heart. I really appreciated him sharing his thoughts about his albums. At the show, he described his first album as songs about being set free, recognizing the liberty we have because of the one who kept the law. He described his second album as being one in which he talks about the things we are set free unto.

In an interview he said:

“Because Jesus has kept the law on our behalf, because Jesus has loved the poor
perfectly on our behalf, we are liberated. That was the message of the first
record.
The message of this record is: it has liberated us unto what? Now
that we are set free, now that we don’t have to do anything to earn God’s favor,
how shall we live in light of that? And I think that looks very much like
helping the poor. And maybe we need to look around us and see that an issue is
that we are not around the poor. As Christians, we don’t live next to the poor,
or those who are gay, or minorities or anyone who could be difficult for us to
love. So now our neighbors are, of course, easy to love. They look like me, talk
like me, make the same money and are interested in the same things. So
this command has become way too easy.”

On The House Show he says:

“Loving people isn’t safe. Loving people isn’t efficient”

Lisa's take: I am learning more and more about this in my personal life. I’m learning more about a love and truth that resonates within my spirit. A love I’ve been searching for…a love that maybe I thought was only a fairytale. I’m learning how to love and how to be loved. It’s frightening because my world is new and I wonder what else I am missing.

One review says Derek Webb “oversimplifies” certain social or political issues. I like to think, however, that is not what he intends. He brings up difficult questions and controversial subjects, but they are real issues and real subjects if we are honest with ourselves.

“About being the one to start these conversations in Christian circles, Webb remarks honestly, “I’m not sure I’m the best one to do it, but it’s not like people are lining up for this particular job. And we need to start this dialogue yesterday about how to love people better. Let’s stop arguing and name calling, let’s find something to commend about one another and then start from that place of unity.”

Lisa's take: I get so excited to hear someone talk about these things. It’s not about stirring up controversy, as some may see it. It’s about recognizing the issues many of us ignore or the questions we are afraid to ask. It’s about opening dialogue to discuss these issues so we can deal with them. We are on this journey together, learning together.

Local artist, Chris Taylor, from Destin also performed a small set. It’s rare I hear music I immediately like from the first song to the last. I really enjoyed the music, it was an acoustic, folk, mellow sound. I’m not ready to comment on his lyrics, although what I could understand last night I really liked. His lyrics were poetic and sung with the music they created a lot of imagery. His set was a nice surprise.

Pull Daddy's Finger

Tom and I were watching our two year-old daughter play the other day…who even through the tantrums is more beautiful and amazing every day. We’ve sort of been potty training so the bathroom has become one of her play areas. As if continuing a tradition passed down from her daddy, she was standing on a little step stool playing and looking into the mirror above the sink. Also like her daddy, she recently began singing short phrases and sentences about things on her mind to her own little melody. Tom and I were standing in the doorway of the bathroom, watching and admiring this beautiful gift from God as she played and sang her own songs. She was laughing, giggling, smiling showing all of her teeth, and dancing as she was performing for her audience. She’s become fascinated with the Wizard of Oz lately, so she was singing about Scarecrow and Tinman and Dorothy and the Witch. Then all of the sudden she adds to the melody…”pull Daddy’s finger”. What? Puzzled and laughing so I could hardly speak; I looked to my husband for clarification. “Did she say “pull daddy’s finger”? Laughing just as hard as I was, he proudly shook his head yes and commented on his success. We laughed and I remarked something about his legacy to her, and then we both turned to continue admiring our gift we created together. Moments like these are treasures.

I will be OK

Tom and I watched Les Miserables the other night. I’ve been avoiding the movie for years simply because I had been told a poor description of the story line and I feared the story and the ending were too sad to watch, too emotional or gut wrenching. I guess stories like that tend to bring to surface my doubts and questions.

As we watched it, I was ashamed I had been avoiding it. To me, it's a story about the difference between law and grace and the necessity to have a balance of the two in our lives. It is such a beautiful story. I am sorry I waited so long before I watched it. I found myself brooding over thoughts and questions as the story progressed. I found myself frustrated…I was scared of the ending. I was scared that “bad” things happened to the “good” guy and that was unbearable to me. I kept asking Tom to tell me the ending of the movie because I just wanted it to be over. The ending was not what I expected, but it left me with these questions. What if the ending was what I expected? Would God still be God? Would God still be a good God? Would I still believe in Grace? Of course I can say “yes” with my mouth, but I want to say yes with my “heart, soul, and mind, and strength”.

I realized that for me, part of the definition of Grace is to know that no matter the situation, circumstances or events in my life, I will be O.K. Not that the circumstances change, not that life turns out the way I want it to…or the way I think it should, but that no matter how incredibly unjust I think my life becomes, I am OK.

The Journey

C.S. Lewis once said that our ideas for the day, our daily routines, are our plans, our will; but the interruptions to those routines are God’s plans and His will.  We can react one of two ways, with resentment and avoidance, or with obedience and service.  I know that I often choose the resentment and avoidance.  I also know that choosing obedience and service are never disappointing.  They only lead to fulfillment, to a sense of purpose.  Why is it, then, that we often spend our lives avoiding and fearing difficult circumstances and situations?  It is these times God uses to facilitate learning and growing.  This is what life is, this is the journey, this is the process.

Push the Button!!!!

I was shopping at Target the other day with my beautiful 21 month old daughter. After completing our purchases, we walked back to the car and I unloaded my plastic tubs, my new red sweater, and my purse containing my cell phone. Then, I placed my most precious cargo into her car seat. As I was setting her in the car seat, she leaned over and grabbed my car keys. "No big deal," I thought.  “She can play with them." After buckling her in the car seat, I left the door open just in case she locked the doors while playing with the keys and I ran to put away the cart. As I was running, I could hear the car locks clicking. I gave myself a pat on the back.  I thought, "Hehehe...good thinking Lisa.  No worries, you left the car door open, you’re a smart one!" I returned to the car and leaned in the OPEN door to take the car keys. She protested! She wanted to keep the keys. So, I thought, "She'll get bored if we just sit here and then she'll willingly hand over the keys. I'll just close the door and sit in the driver's seat and wait." (There are so many things wrong with the previous conclusion...to be discussed later.)  I closed the door and pulled on the handle to open the driver's side door....LOCKED!!! AHHHH!!!! Don't let her see you panic! Now what?  How do I explain to a Target employee or some unsuspecting shopper I need to use their phone because my daughter is locked in the car-without me!   I concluded that since she already pushed the buttons before, she could do it again - right?  Even if the LOCK button is the size of Texas and the unlock button is the size of a piece of lint.  I peered into the car window.  There she was laughing and playing with the keys. I began pleading with her to push the button. Tapping on the window, I started pleading, "Gracie, push the button. Gracie, mommy can't get in the car unless you push the button. I'm locked out. You need to push the button to let me in. I can't get in the car. Push the button." She would laugh and jingle the keys.  After pleading and pleading with with her, I began plan my next move.  Then, she finally DID IT!! I heard the locks *click*! Yeah!!!!! Before I finished my thought, I had the door open. I took the keys and we drove home. No one the wiser that my 21 month old had just been locked in the car all alone, except for my keys, my plastic tubs, my new red sweater, my purse and my cell phone.    

Happy New Year

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year!

Family Quotations

I have a jolly old uncle in Cedar Creek, NC who is a lot of fun to be around.  He is a sweet man with a great sense of humor.  This is one of the things you might hear him say at a family gathering.  I’m not sure what it means….

The birds do it
The bees do it
Everybody ought to be able to do it
Anybody that can’t do it ought to be tied to it and made do it
Then, if they still can’t do it
Bring ‘em to me
I can do it
‘cuz I’m used to it

Other famous family quotations:

Grandma Ruby (Uncle Jackie’s mom)
”I loved him so much when I married him I could’ve eaten him.  Now I wished I had.”
(speaking of her beloved husband of over 60 years-with a slight bit of resentment)

“He can crack a nut with that tooth”
(still speaking of my Grandaddy Hoyt-who has slowly lost all but one tooth)