I will be OK

Tom and I watched Les Miserables the other night. I’ve been avoiding the movie for years simply because I had been told a poor description of the story line and I feared the story and the ending were too sad to watch, too emotional or gut wrenching. I guess stories like that tend to bring to surface my doubts and questions.

As we watched it, I was ashamed I had been avoiding it. To me, it's a story about the difference between law and grace and the necessity to have a balance of the two in our lives. It is such a beautiful story. I am sorry I waited so long before I watched it. I found myself brooding over thoughts and questions as the story progressed. I found myself frustrated…I was scared of the ending. I was scared that “bad” things happened to the “good” guy and that was unbearable to me. I kept asking Tom to tell me the ending of the movie because I just wanted it to be over. The ending was not what I expected, but it left me with these questions. What if the ending was what I expected? Would God still be God? Would God still be a good God? Would I still believe in Grace? Of course I can say “yes” with my mouth, but I want to say yes with my “heart, soul, and mind, and strength”.

I realized that for me, part of the definition of Grace is to know that no matter the situation, circumstances or events in my life, I will be O.K. Not that the circumstances change, not that life turns out the way I want it to…or the way I think it should, but that no matter how incredibly unjust I think my life becomes, I am OK.