Even in the most frustrating, doubting if I should be a parent, and intense times there are moments of hilarity. I was at a loss with how to deal with my tired daughter who was not handling frustration or the word "no" to well as evidenced by the repeated whining, crying and sobbing. After trying to comfort and reassure her and emapthize with her, I was at a loss. The behavior was only intensifying. In my frustration and loss, I placed her in the bed and instructed her to stay there until she was ready to act "nice" - which isn't our common practice. She immediatly climbed out of the bed sobbing "no bed, mommy, no bed?" I said firmly, "get back in the bed or I will spank you." To which she immediately screamed and ran down the hallway crying and waving her hands in the air repeating, "no bed, no bed." At this point, all I could think about were Jerry Springer and Maury Povich. You know, the shows where the "significant other" can't believe their loved one cheated or can't believe the lie detector test said they were lying or can't believe the 47th DNA test proved this man wasn't the father either. Typically, someone goes running off stage crying and screaming and waving their hands in the air and later collapse on the floor backstage. I'm thinking about sending in an audition tape and using my daughter's talents to earn some extra cash or a free vacation or at least some sympathy.
In truth, it's amazing and frightening how much my child reveals my own childish ways.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
A Prayer
Here is a prayer I have truly come to appreciate in recent days. Um...maybe it helps some to sustain me in the times my character and intentions are called into question. When I am confused because I know my heart's desire...but others (and even myself sometimes) question if not my intentions, my vulnerability to be led astray. I appreciate and value the concern, and I leave the rest to the Spirit. Prayers like this are easier to pray and speak than to live.
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am
going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain
where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think
that I
am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing
so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please
you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I
hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that
if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing
about it. Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be
lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with
me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.Thomas Merton--Thoughts in Solitude
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
In Memory of Morgan
In case anyone would like to join the fight against cancer, you can donate in memory of Morgan Welch, a beautiful person inside and out:
Help...
Help...
Friday, March 10, 2006
What was she thinking?!
It occured to me today while watching a commercial on bologna, my mom used to feed me Oscar Mayer liverwurst. You know, the stuff that used to come in some sort of submarine looking squeeze tube. It had some sort of plastic star shaped contraption in the center of the tube and you squeezed the "liverwurst" through the hole onto the bread. We used to spread it on bread with mustard. Sounds like a great idea!!!....doesn't it?!
Friday, March 03, 2006
The healing I need is grace (yoga, part 2)
On my retreat to Atlanta, I learned more about myself. I don't consider myself serious about yoga, but I made sense of why I value it so much and why I've stuck with it longer than any other exercise program I've tried. It just seems to fit so neatly with my spititual journey. What I love even more is that I realized this after; not before, I made it a regular part of my life. In some ways, I think it helped established a foundation for me to build a better understanding of some Truths.
Scott made mention that yoga is individual. It is not meant to be guided by the teacher. It is meant to be guided by our body. The teacher is the experience of the student. For instance, we do not breathe or move or pose ourselves at the command of the teacher (although some practices of yoga differ in this approach), we follow our own body. We breathe as our body allows us to breathe, we move into positions and postures as our body allows us to. Therefore, if at some point in the practice we need to adjust our postures or breathing or take a break, then it is encouraged for us to follow our body. We learn humility when we recognize the limitations of our body. This recognition of the state of our body can also empower us to rest. We are empowered to make the practice ours. Yoga is meant to meet us where we are at. I think this is a beautiful example of grace and maybe how the Holy Spirit works in our life. Christ meets us where we are. The healing we need as a result of fear or hatred or violence we act out in our lives or towards others is grace. We would not be truthful if we didn’t admit to ourselves that we are all guilty of some form of denigration to ourselves and toward others. I recall and still participate in countless instances in my life where I’ve devalued myself and others. Not recognizing the value of my own life and thus judging others or denying Christ like compassion for others. Christ makes it clear we are in no position to judge others, even more importantly; the second greatest commandment is to love others as we love ourselves. I’ve made choices such as choosing not to speak to someone based on their appearance; no, not necessarily the color of their skin, to believing certain individuals don’t have a right to life. I judge because someone isn’t doing things the way I think they should be done. I have an inflated view of my own opinions, not respecting or valuing those things that make us human and make us different. I have denied others compassion because of my own fears. I have avoided others because they have a disability or emotional wounds or scars and I don’t know how to handle it, so I avoid them, contributing to the isolation they likely already feel. Grace is the bridge to deal with the differences we share. Grace demands us to look inside ourselves and deal with ourselves; to grieve, wrestle, celebrate, mourn, heal, etc…and then take that broken, vulnerable person and give that person to others. Because when we see our own need for grace and when we see ourselves no better than others, not deserving from others, or recognizing those areas we tend to blame others (passing our responsibility on to others), then we can be more honest with others, it opens an opportunity for dialogue with others to share and admit our own failures or shortcomings or needs for growth and helps build relationships. It’s difficult to give of ourselves when we haven’t dealt with our own loneliness and isolation that needs grace.
Scott made mention that yoga is individual. It is not meant to be guided by the teacher. It is meant to be guided by our body. The teacher is the experience of the student. For instance, we do not breathe or move or pose ourselves at the command of the teacher (although some practices of yoga differ in this approach), we follow our own body. We breathe as our body allows us to breathe, we move into positions and postures as our body allows us to. Therefore, if at some point in the practice we need to adjust our postures or breathing or take a break, then it is encouraged for us to follow our body. We learn humility when we recognize the limitations of our body. This recognition of the state of our body can also empower us to rest. We are empowered to make the practice ours. Yoga is meant to meet us where we are at. I think this is a beautiful example of grace and maybe how the Holy Spirit works in our life. Christ meets us where we are. The healing we need as a result of fear or hatred or violence we act out in our lives or towards others is grace. We would not be truthful if we didn’t admit to ourselves that we are all guilty of some form of denigration to ourselves and toward others. I recall and still participate in countless instances in my life where I’ve devalued myself and others. Not recognizing the value of my own life and thus judging others or denying Christ like compassion for others. Christ makes it clear we are in no position to judge others, even more importantly; the second greatest commandment is to love others as we love ourselves. I’ve made choices such as choosing not to speak to someone based on their appearance; no, not necessarily the color of their skin, to believing certain individuals don’t have a right to life. I judge because someone isn’t doing things the way I think they should be done. I have an inflated view of my own opinions, not respecting or valuing those things that make us human and make us different. I have denied others compassion because of my own fears. I have avoided others because they have a disability or emotional wounds or scars and I don’t know how to handle it, so I avoid them, contributing to the isolation they likely already feel. Grace is the bridge to deal with the differences we share. Grace demands us to look inside ourselves and deal with ourselves; to grieve, wrestle, celebrate, mourn, heal, etc…and then take that broken, vulnerable person and give that person to others. Because when we see our own need for grace and when we see ourselves no better than others, not deserving from others, or recognizing those areas we tend to blame others (passing our responsibility on to others), then we can be more honest with others, it opens an opportunity for dialogue with others to share and admit our own failures or shortcomings or needs for growth and helps build relationships. It’s difficult to give of ourselves when we haven’t dealt with our own loneliness and isolation that needs grace.
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