The Perfect Storm

Tom is sick today. He's had an upset stomach all day. He is rarely sick, but stomach viruses seem to be what typically stops him. I am sad for him. Gracie and I tried to give him time for peace and quite, so we went out. We had lunch at the park and dinner at Friday's...so as not to have the aroma of food in the house. We've had beautiful weather lately, not too hot, not too humid, gusty breezes, so the park was really enjoyable. We had a picnic lunch and played on the playground and tossed leaves and sticks into the water. We had a nice time.

For dinner we had a "girls' night out" at Friday's. We sat in a little booth together. Honestly, I went to Friday's telling myself, "if it gets bad, just leave"! I didn't expect to enjoy the dinner because we seem to be "butting heads" these last couple of days. From what I've read, it's not uncommon for children to cycle through phases of sweetness... when everything seems to be roses, and phases of constant challenge...when you start wondering what happened. Like you suspect your child was abducted by aliens in the middle of the night and switched with an evil twin or something. We seem to be dealing with the alien evil twin these days. For her, these are typically related to a lack of adequate sleep (both tot and parent), teething, a growth spurt, or just because. Her latest goal seems to be to consistently do the opposite of a parental request...no matter how creatively it's presented and requested. I'm running low on patience and this greatly effects my desire and opportunity to be creative. I find myself thinking "you should obey me just because and that's it!" The great thing about her is that she is two and hardly comprehends my gravitation toward dogmatic thinking and my expectation of blind obedience, so she rarely complies. This leaves me having to deal with myself...blechhh! What's worse, is that the very thing I want to demand from her is the very thing with which I wrestle with God. I don't always want to obey Him or His commands, I don't want to trust Him, and yet, He is consistently patient and generous with grace. Not grace that lets me get away with my selfish behavior, but grace that gently teaches and guides me back with correction. Well, I gave myself a little pep talk and thankfully and not using my own strength, dinner was a lot of fun. The best part was when she laughed her special laugh. You know, the one when you can tell kids are really tickeled, when they think you're the funniest thing on earth. These are rare laughs, they usually take you by surprise, but you feel so proud because you got a genuine, belly laugh from a two year old.

It was a nice way to end the day Tom labeled "the perfect storm". I'm moody, Gracie is two, and he is sick in the bed. He very sweetly suggested giving me a break on Saturday, an opportunity to renew myself with some alone time. Reflection is good for the soul, but so are the trenches. I feel weak inside and haven't been able to maintain a consistent problem solving mindset. Instead, it's my emotional, tantrum throwing mindset that seems to be getting center stage. I find myself in constant prayer and repentence and regrouping. As I told Tom, "at some point, I've got to learn to live with myself." I need this...I need the challenge of giving and serving when all that is within me wants to take and hoard. At the same time, God places people in the body for the very reason we need each other to function. We can balance each other. So, I will find comfort in taking what I need as well, because that's ok too.

BTW, "Brownie Obsession" is the most incredible brownie I've ever had. My brother suggested it and I reluctantly thought, "a brownie is a brownie". Now I find myself thinking, "what will I do if they take this off the menu? Could I survive such a catastrophe?" Take my food, clothing and shelter, but not my chocolate!!!

Hope you feel better soon, hun :)