My trip to Atlanta was all I had hoped for and more. I was only home a few hours before I began missing the Monastery. I was in a hurry to get home because I missed my family, but the opportunity to have time to myself was much needed. Time when no one was making demands on me and I felt free to do as I pleased. I tasted a freedom I want to live more in my daily life, not just when I drive 6 hours away and stay in a Monastery. I also challenged myself in new ways and I learned more than I expected about what the practice of yoga means to me. I was amazed by the knowledge of Fr. Tom Francis, one of the monks who taught us. I have gained a new respect for the traditions and history of the catholic church. I had great conversations with others, the type of conversation that I don't typically get to have in my day to day life. In the next couple of days, I am going to start posting journals from my trip.
Right now, I am struggling. I can be idealistic and I feel like I am being sucked back into a dark, dismal world that I don't want to be in. A world that controls me. Is it the "real" world, or just the world I've allowed to consume me? There are things in my life I don't like and now they are even more repulsive. I am asking myself how much do I change, what do I change, how do I change? Am I just too idealistic, or would I find more fulfillment in living my ideals? I feel like I am standing on a battle field and chaos and harm and anger are all around me and I am wondering if I should continue fighting or begin waving the white flag. A thought just occurred to me...vanilla cheescake from TGIFriday's might cure all of this.
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